it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
