The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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