its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
