he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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