If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think my nap took me to another dimension
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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