Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
