i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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