I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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