and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
