I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Randomize
