i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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