Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
