I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
