Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
