and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize