actually, I'm a sock model
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
