so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
