Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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