ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
