If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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