i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
