come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
