You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I would ride that face into the sunset
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
