Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
