The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
