My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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