windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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