why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
