What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
