very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
