Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
