I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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