My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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