Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
