I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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