I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
