Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
