true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
