where am i from again
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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