The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
