Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Walk of Shame today included voting.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
