I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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