I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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