I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
