my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
