yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
