Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize