I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
