i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
