the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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