ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How external is "for external use only"?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
