i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
