he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
