why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
