Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
