How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize