Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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