Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
