Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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