we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
