I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
