Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
