I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
