I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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