Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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