this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What a dumb baby whore.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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