There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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