official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just found puke in my bra..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
