its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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