Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
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We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
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just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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