I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
