a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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