Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
