we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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