I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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