I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
