Will you blow on my dice?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
